October 29, 2018
Good morning crew,
Over the weekend the wife took me to her cousin's wedding (okay, second cousin), and my ONE responsibility was not to embarrass her in front of her extended family.
Things probably started going downhill when I started massaging the other wedding guests, but when I did the 'Running Man' and the 'Sprinkler' on the dance floor the night was pretty much ruined.
Laugh it up,
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"A London architect has come up with a concept for a floating hotel that is self-sustaining and could potentially move around the world. Great job, architect. You just invented the cruise ship." -Seth Meyers
"A new study shows that elected leaders don't live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there's a candidate you really don't like, vote for them." -Stephen Colbert
"Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel
Turn Your Backyard into a Tropical Paradise! Get the Solar-Powered Torches Before They're Gone
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free....you either married it or gave birth to it.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
[This is an old, old one, but still one of my favorites...]
A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been.
After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'."
So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared."
At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody knows pie are round... CORNBREAD are squared!"