October 27, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You have to be careful who you have a three-way with. When you're naked with two other people you are very vulnerable and you never know if one of those people is going to be jealous, vindictive, irresponsible, obsessive, or maybe a psychotic meth-head with a taste for human flesh.

I bet this poor guy in South Carolina who was viciously attacked in the middle of a three-way had been a little more discriminating about who he invited into his bedroom. Plus, his penis would probably still be intact.

A man called police for help, saying the woman tried to bite off his penis during sex with him and another man.

Police in South Carolina say a naked woman tried to bite off a man's genitals and then rushed on all fours at responding officers, who shocked her with a stun gun.

Hananan Police Chief Dennis Turner says officers shocked the bloody woman with a stun gun, then used an overdose-fighting drug to revive her. Officers were told she was high on heroin and methamphetamine.

"Honestly, it's one of the most disturbing videos, body cam videos, I have seen in my career. It honestly reminded something you would see off of a horror movie," Turner said.

The woman was hospitalized; charges are pending.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

Take That, History

The Salisbury Journal's Rebecca Hudson reports that a 45-year-old man was arrested today after "smashing the case of the Magna Carter with a hammer and trying to destroy it." Magna Carta 1215 is the best surviving copy of one of Britain's most influential legal documents, and is on permanent display at Salisbury Cathedral. It is regarded by historians as the foundation of constitutional liberty in the English-speaking world. A spokesman for Salisbury Cathedral said: "We can confirm that at the end of the afternoon, a man attempted to break into the case which houses Magna Carta in the Cathedral's Chapter House. He was arrested by police shortly afterwards and taken into custody. We are very relieved that no one was hurt during the incident and that the Magna Carta itself is undamaged."

Don't Try to Kill Spiders With a Blowtorch

Firefighters in California said a man house-sitting for his parents tried to use a blowtorch to kill some dangerous spiders and set the home on fire. The Fresno Fire Department said firefighters responded to reports of a house fire in the Woodward Lake housing development. Firefighters said the man who made the call escaped the house safely. He told firefighters he had found some black widow spiders in the house and had been trying to kill them with a blowtorch when he sparked the blaze. No injuries were reported from the fire, which damaged the second story of the home and the attic. Arizona's Tucson Fire Department responded to a similar incident in October 2017. The department said a man had been attempting to use a propane torch to kill some spiders under his family's mobile home when the structure caught fire.
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READER COMMENTS

I wouldn't mind going on the maiden cruise of the new Titanic. I mean, what are the chances it would hit another ice berg and sink again? Like; one in a thousand? I'd take those odds just to be able to say I was on the Titanic.


I hope that guy (or whoever he was) who had sex with a porn actor in an airplane toilet wrapped the package. The kind of people who have sex with strangers in toilets aren't the most fastidious about things like health and hygiene.

END OF READER COMMENTS