October 26, 2018
Good morning crew,
The wife is taking me to a wedding this weekend. Her side of the family.
At this function I have one job and one job only, to stay relatively sober and not make a complete ass out of myself.
That's not as easy as it sounds.
Laugh it up,
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"Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour." -Jimmy Fallon
"Music duo Hall & Oates is reportedly suing a company over a cereal named Haulin' Oats. Though the company says it's totally different because in their cereal, oats is the star." -Seth Meyers
"A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel
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My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and pounded the table.
Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never eat out with us again!"
The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!"
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."