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October 25, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

AllProducts2I guess it was only a matter of time, but they have finally come out with a Viagra equivalent for women.

That's right, ladies, no more dry, pasty pussy. One little pill and you'll be droolin' for a doodlin'. Nymphomania in a bottle, more or less.

I was watching a program about it on TV and they had a woman on who was talking about how important this is for some women, like herself, who just have trouble getting aroused.

As she was yammering on about how her pussy is as useless as an empty banana peel I noticed something flashing in her mouth. Leaning forward and squinting at the screen I finally saw that her tongue was pierced with a stud!

"There's your problem, right there!" I said aloud.

"What's the problem?" my teenage son asked from the kitchen table.

"Nothing, nothing," I said, brushing him off. I don't know if he knows about about genital piercings yet, but I don't want to have that conversation with him.

But if that frigid floozy wants to irrigate her valley she should start with moving that stud from her mouth to her pussy. She's not going to get aroused by stimulating the roof of her mouth when that hard, slick, surgical steel could be rubbing against her pink pearl all day!

Sheesh, I should have been a sex therapist.



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My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and then burn them.

I did that. But now I don't know what to do with all the letters.

Years ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

We had a power outage last week and my computer, TV, and games console shut down immediately.

It was raining hard and I couldn't play golf either so I just talked to my wife for a few hours.

Seems like a nice person.

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The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Sicily.

It was absolutely wonderful. it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Sicily?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Sicily."