October 19, 2018

Good morning crew,

As the wife has mentioned before, one of the big benefits of hosting a party is that it forces us to clean. So this afternoon I'm leaving early to go home and begin digging the empty pizza boxes out from underneath the sofa, hunting down the dirty laundry that tends to accumulate in unusual places, and going on a dust bunny massacre.

Even if the house isn't decorated like a haunted insane asylum, the guests should at least be able to sit down without sticking to anything.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, 'Right now it just feels like it's protecting me from girls.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide." -Conan O'Brien

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"Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog weighs 12 ounces. I've eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That's not even officially a dog, that's a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster." -Jimmy Kimmel

Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot."

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you look great. You must work out a lot."

"Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it."

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

I was walking past an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a heck of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything.

I finally decided that I should help.

She was one tough old lady, but the three of us finally got that handbag.