October 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

It's getting about Halloween decorating time again. I'm not sure why, but I get a lot more excited about decorating for Halloween than I do for Christmas. Maybe it's because I don't have to do it in 10 degree weather and six inches of snow.

Consequently I have to discipline myself not to spend money on some extravagant, spooky decoration every time October rolls around. Sometimes that backfires, like my effort to make homemade tombstones a couple years ago.

If you're interested you can read about that little fiasco here: An idiot's guide to making tombstones.

But I feel like I have to get something. Even if it's little. I can't have the exact same decorations every single year. I don't want to be THAT guy. So I'm thinking something small and simple; like one of those 'haunted houses' you put on the front lawn that has a witch or a ghost or a zomie pop out of it when someone passes in front of a motion sensor. They're only about a thousand bucks.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm way to cheap to buy something like that (no matter how cool it is). I'll probably just get some polystyrene skulls to put on the front lawn.

Unless... I could figure out how to build one of those motion sensor haunted houses myself. Let's see: first I'll need to buy a circular saw...

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks meant to be worn with sandals from 2,000 years ago. Scholars say it's evidence of the first German tourist." -Conan O'Brien

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"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon

The difference between 'Men' and 'Guys'

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.

"What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly.

"What's it taste like?" asked the cook.

"Glue."

"Then it's apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap."