October 06, 2018
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
So you've ritualistically decapitated your goat, drained the blood, used it to draw all the necessary sigils, and displayed the head in the manner prescribed by the ancient temple of Baphomet. Now, what do you do with the body?
Apparently in Georgia the preferred method of disposal is to dump it in the river, and officials are not happy about it.
Chattahoochee Riverkeeper Jason Ulseth's job is to patrol the river looking for pollution, sewer spills and fish kills.
Recently Ulseth found more than 10 decapitated goats as he patrolled in his boat. He said he saw what looked like white lumps floating in the water. When he got closer he made the gruesome find.
"This is pretty disturbing," Ulseth said. "Personally, I've been patrolling this river for over 11 years and I have never seen anything like this."
Ulseth told Jones he thinks someone dumped the bodies recently. Aside from being disturbing, Ulseth said the find also poses a health hazard. The Chattahoochee River is a water source for 5 million people in the metro area.
"People that are dumping in this river go home and drink it out of their taps," Ulseth said. "And they don't make that connection that they're actually polluting their own water source."
Ulseth said the Riverkeeper doesn't have the capability to remove the animals so they just floated down the river.
Local resident Johnny Davis said, "Whoever did it, they are very cold-blooded. Whoever the person is needs to turn themselves in because they are obviously disturbed."
Goats are sometimes decapitated for certain religious ceremonies, but the practice is considered animal abuse.
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What Should Cosby Get?
I'm sure everybody has been following the Bill Cosby trial. Now that he's been convicted, what do you think is the proper sentence for Cosby's sexual assault crimes?
3-10 Year Sentence
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Whoso Pulleth Out This Sword
An 8-year-old girl in Sweden found a 1,000-year-old sword while swimming in a lake. The sword, which was found over the summer, is now on display at the Jonkopings Lans Museum in Jonkoping, Sweden. Saga Vanecek, the girl who found the sword at the Vidostern lake, told local news that she initially thought it was some kind of stick. "I picked it up and was going to drop it back in the water, but it had a handle, and I saw that it was a little bit pointy at the end and all rusty," Saga said. "I held it up in the air and I said 'Daddy, I found a sword!' When he saw that it bent and was rusty, he came running up and took it." The sword, which is 85 centimeters long and made of metal and wood, is believed to have come from the pre-Viking era, which could make it as old as 1,500 years. After Saga discovered the sword, archaeologists decided to search the lake for more ancient items and found a brooch from the 3rd century. They're now continuing to search the lake for more relics.
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TSA Confiscates Bullet-Shaped Ice Cubes
Whiskey stones are objects that can be used instead of ice to chill drinks. They're useful if you don't like watered down whiskey. Sometimes they are made of actual stone or marble. Sometimes they're made out of steel. One unfortunate traveler tried to bring a set of six bullet-shaped stainless steel whiskey stones through Idaho's Lewiston-Nez Perce County Airport, but the TSA was too vigilant for him. In an Instagram post the TSA displayed the bullet-shaped 'stones' and admitted that they did not, in fact, make the skies any safer by confiscating them, but rules are rules. Unfortunately, according to their own rules, bullet-shaped objects that cannot be fired are, in fact, allowed in carry-on bags. So basically the TSA just stole some poor hipster's artsy-fartsy ice cubes. America!
*- - - READER COMMENTS - - -*
Hey, if that woman from Maine is actually able to sell art made out of shit, more power to her. Most 'art' is shit anyway. Might as well sell the real deal.
Those Brits are onto something. I used to mail junk mail back to the sender. Then it got too expensive and I stopped. But the strategy is sound.