October 02, 2018
Good Afternoon,
As I write this I find myself suffering from a bit of sneezing fit. I wish I knew what was causing me to sdfjaio sneeze this severely, but I sudfh really don't have a clue.
Maybe somebody in the office has a oegiarh cat? Maybe I just have a bit of a asfhasjigh head cold? Maybe I'm allergic to TZ's awful musky cologne? asfhjdkgh
At any rate, I'm going to continue to sneeze and mash my keyboard. I asfbhgfag hope you enjoy today's Mouthpiece while I go and get myself asdfgwerg some tissues.
Mouthing Off,
Carl
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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up."
--Will Rogers
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
--Mitch Hedberg
"The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
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[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- HOW TO WRITE GOOD --*
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
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