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Friday, September 28, 2018

Good morning crew,

I think I have found the most difficult exercise there is to do at the health club, and that is walking through the front door.

Let me put it this way; it takes me about three minutes to drive from the office to the intersection that will either take me home or to the health club, and in that three minutes a titanic struggle takes place.

It's like my body knows I'm planning to force it to exercise. A wave of fatigue washes over me and a vision of myself sitting on my sofa and drinking a beer swims before my eyes like a mirage.

I have to force myself to turn into the health club, sometimes with verbal exhortations, like I'm a crazy person.

Of course, once I'm in there I'm just as unmotivated as I was in the car, but I might as well pick up a few weights while I'm standing around. What else am I going to do?

The amazing thing is that once I get started I get into it pretty quickly. But no matter how good I feel about myself afterward I always go through the exact same thing every time I'm supposed to go to the health club.

It could be the health club itself. It smells funny and I hate having to jockey for access to the various benches and machines with all of the sweaty, grunting muscleheads.

I wonder if I would have the same motivation problem if I had a few thousand dollars worth of my own exercise equipment? Think the wife would let me turn the basement into a weight room?

Laugh it up,


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"Trump just got a new $1.5 million limo. It fires tear gas, has night vision, and can lay down an oil slick to make anyone chasing it spin out of control. I'm pretty sure Trump was like, 'Build me the Batmobile. Just do it.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Scientists developed a robotic skin that can make stuffed animals appear to come to life. It's being hailed as a breakthrough for people who like to scare small children." -Conan O'Brien


"A high school student has developed an app that helps teens locate a welcoming group of kids in the lunchroom called 'Sit With Us' - or as bullies call it, 'Victim Finder.'" -Seth Meyers


I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with questions.

"Do you smoke?" asked a paramedic.

"No," John whispered. "I quit."

"That's good. When did you quit?"

"Around 9:30 this morning."