Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

Friday, September 21, 2018

Good morning crew,

Joe, Gotta thank you for Tuesday's Clean Laffs. Didn't know what the Bible verse was, so I found my Bible, dusted it off, and looked up the verse. Also inside the Bible I found four uncirculated $2 bills. Don't know if they are worth anything, but thanks anyway. -Linda

You're more than welcome, Linda. It's the least I can do. You can send my ten percent finder's fee to the offices of

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"Scientists have announced plans to build a genetic Noah's Ark which will contain genetic information from 66,000 species, beating the previous record held by the comforters at Days Inn." -Seth Meyers


"A restaurant owner in Maine is testing out what she believes to be a more humane way of killing the lobsters they serve. What they do is they get the lobsters high on marijuana smoke before they cook them. For real. I would bet $100 she came up with this idea while she was smoking in a Jacuzzi." -Jimmy Kimmel


"There was some big news from the world of social media. Today, Facebook began testing its new product, Facebook Dating. And if the test goes well it could come to your phone soon. Facebook Dating, or as it's already known, 'stalking.'" -James Corden


The Wolf Man comes home one evening from a long day at the office. "How was work today, dear?" his wife asks.

"Honey, please! I don't want to talk about work right now!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like me to fix you something to eat? Or how about a drink?" she asks oh so nicely.

"Listen," he shouts again, "I'm not hungry, I'm not thirsty! Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At that very moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"

The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."

"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?"

"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."

"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"

"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."

"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"

"Well, this week... nothing!"