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Friday, September 14, 2018

Good morning crew,

It's going to be just a beautiful weekend here in the Chicagoland area. I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing couple days of indolence, but last night the wife pointed out that there are at least 3 Oktoberfests going on this weekend.

Like she expects me to sacrifice 36 hours of watching TV in my bathrobe to go drink dunkel bier and eat weinersnitchel and bratwurst while singing drinking songs with a thousand or so other inebriated partiers.

Well, if I gotta, I gotta.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Recently passengers on a United Airlines flight from Scotland to New Jersey got a bit of a shock when the pilot came out of the cockpit, changed out of his uniform, and fell asleep in a first-class seat. The only way this could have been more concerning for the passengers is if the pilot also had an emotional support dog." -James Corden

***

"A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, 'How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"A math blogger says he's figured out 'the world's favorite number.' It turns out that it's 7. The least popular number? The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you're a math blogger." -Jimmy Fallon

***

One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her.

She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.

This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side.

The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in my tie. "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so un-stylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?"

I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play the game!