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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

Well, I couldn't take that stump mocking me every single time I pulled up to the house anymore. I swear, the way those sawed off branches were sticking out it looked like it was giving me the finger.

Since I didn't have to teach Monday afternoon I swung by the hardware store on my way home to pick up a hatchet, and I determined I was going to at least get started on digging it out.

I didn't really know what I was getting into until I started to dig, but what I had chopped down was more of a bush than a tree, so I found that I didn't have to dig down much more than a foot before I could get a good swing at the base of the root with my hatchet.

It's impressive what a nice, sharp blade with a little bit of muscle behind it will do. Once I got the stump dug out, barely fifteen minutes of chopping had the thing completely loose and I was able to pull it up with my hands.

I realize it's not much of an accomplishment. Really, any medium size dog could have accomplished the engineering challenge of digging a hole, but I take pride in what I can. No matter how pathetic.

Now all I have to do is fill the hole back in and fix the landscaping.

There is one more stump left to dig up in the backyard. I told the wife she could do that one. I even offered to let her borrow my hatchet.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Did you hear about the college student in Canada who emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nicky, Nicolette, and Nik trying to find the woman he met at a bar. Meanwhile the actual woman was like, 'Phew! Thank God I gave him a fake name!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually, with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"It was announced today the most common vegetable that toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today. I'm joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to eat other vegetables. You know; onion rings, loaded potato skins, carrot cake." -James Corden

***

In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a "barrister."

My 13-year-old daughter wasn't impressed. "So," she said, "he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?" she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth."

"Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're having tonight?"

"No. I'm reading from this packet of cat food."