Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Good morning crew,

Well, I couldn't take that stump mocking me every single time I pulled up to the house anymore. I swear, the way those sawed off branches were sticking out it looked like it was giving me the finger.

Since I didn't have to teach Monday afternoon I swung by the hardware store on my way home to pick up a hatchet, and I determined I was going to at least get started on digging it out.

I didn't really know what I was getting into until I started to dig, but what I had chopped down was more of a bush than a tree, so I found that I didn't have to dig down much more than a foot before I could get a good swing at the base of the root with my hatchet.

It's impressive what a nice, sharp blade with a little bit of muscle behind it will do. Once I got the stump dug out, barely fifteen minutes of chopping had the thing completely loose and I was able to pull it up with my hands.

I realize it's not much of an accomplishment. Really, any medium size dog could have accomplished the engineering challenge of digging a hole, but I take pride in what I can. No matter how pathetic.

Now all I have to do is fill the hole back in and fix the landscaping.

There is one more stump left to dig up in the backyard. I told the wife she could do that one. I even offered to let her borrow my hatchet.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives





"Did you hear about the college student in Canada who emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nicky, Nicolette, and Nik trying to find the woman he met at a bar. Meanwhile the actual woman was like, 'Phew! Thank God I gave him a fake name!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually, with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"It was announced today the most common vegetable that toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today. I'm joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to eat other vegetables. You know; onion rings, loaded potato skins, carrot cake." -James Corden

***
In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a "barrister."

My 13-year-old daughter wasn't impressed. "So," she said, "he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?" she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth."

"Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're having tonight?"

"No. I'm reading from this packet of cat food."