Thursday, September 6, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Here's a bit of women's logic for you.
The other day my wife announced she was going to wash the bed linens. She likes to keep me informed about those kinds of things.
"TZ, I'm going to load the dish washer..."
"I'm going to get my legs waxed..."
"I'm going to paint the garage..."
Like I need to be updated on every little mundane task.
Anyway, she told me she was going to wash the bed sheets, and noticing the house was blessedly empty I suddenly got the idea to treat her to a quicky.
So running upstairs I snuck up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist while I rubbed 'Tugboat TZ' up against her ass.
"TZ," she giggled, "what are you doing?"
"If you don't know, then it's been too long since we've done it," I told her.
"Why don't we wait until I finish the laundry, then we can snuggle up together on nice, fresh sheets," she said.
"Why wait?" I asked, grinding a little more insistently.
"Because these sheets are gross. I didn't get a chance to wash them last week so they're two weeks old."
"Exactly my point; they're already dirty," I explained. "You should always get laid before you change the sheets."
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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 24, and her name's Heather.
A sailor came home from a year-long deployment only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO!" she said even more upset.
"Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he yelled.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she screamed.
A German man walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigration officer asks: 'Occupation?'
The German replies: 'No, just a holiday.'
I came across a very funny page today that had a collection of pics of homeless guys with hilarious signs. And if you can't make fun of homeless guys, who can you make fun of? Having nothing better to do I transcribed some of the funnier ones for you right here.
"Father was killed by ninjas. Need money for karate lessons."
"16 wives, 7, hungry dogs, 3 thin cats, 25 kids and still horny. Please help with loose change."
"Will code html for food."
"Will eat for food."
"Need cash for alcohol research."
"Saving up for a hooker."
"Time traveler needs money for new flux capacitor."
"I'm like Obama, I want change."
"Sorry, I'm blind. Can I feel your tits?"
"My wife has been kidnapped. I'm short 99 cents for ransom."