Monday, September 3, 2018
Good morning crew,
I hope everybody is enjoying their long weekend...and you're nice relaxing summer, because it's over now. The holidays are coming up and that's when everybody starts to lose their minds. So get in whatever relaxing you can now.
Laugh it up,
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"The owner of an ice cream truck named Snow Cone Joe was arrested for allegedly stalking his rival truck, called Mr. Ding-a-Ling. It's being called the saddest turf war ever." -Conan O'Brien
"A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years." -Jimmy Fallon
"A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed." -Jimmy Kimmel
ENGLISH for TOURISTS
Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."
Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE."
From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."
A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.
"Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs."
"What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?"
"A new lawn mower," the golfer said.