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Thursday, August 30, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I found this post this morning while I was searching for tit pics on the Internets. I don't know if whoever wrote it meant it as a gag, or if they were dead serious, but I do know it's funny as shit. And, like with most good jokes, there is a grain of truth at the heart of it.

To girls who masturbate: The Clitoris is not meant for self-pleasure. It's meant for creating a child, you morons. Do you know why you feel like garbage after you masturbate? That's because your clitoris is sending bad chemicals to your brain. By touching yourself, you are killing your body.

That's the devil's doorbell and if you keep pressing it, soon enough he will answer.

That's what I'm calling the clit from now on, 'The Devil's Doorbell'.



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"In Oregon, a number of brewers are competing to turn sewer water into beer. The brewer said, 'Hey, if Bud Light can do it, we can do it.'" -Conan O'Brien

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E , F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

"There's a new report that says that the sales of canned wine are on the rise. Finally, people that drink boxed wines have someone to look down on." -Jimmy Fallon

Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.

"Your wife must love these rolls," he said.

"How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked.

"Because I don't think your mother would send you out in weather like this."