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Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Good morning crew,

After all the subjects I've written about in Clean Laffs; fests, parties, food, cookouts, concerts, live theater, cultural topics, health and fitness, marriage, home improvement, what is the topic that's the most popular with readers? A tree stump.

I usually don't get more than a handful of reader comments in a week, but after the last issue I received about three dozen emails along the lines of...


I am a 72 year-old woman who has had to tackle lots of things since my husband died 10 years ago. I swear by a pick ax. But I don't know how large your stump is. Good luck! -Jan


Joe, Not an axe, a mattock. And not a cheap one if you value your toes and shins. Or, point your wife to Pinterest for decorative stump ideas. Yeah, get the mattock.


You must not read Bizarre News. How many articles have had to do with axe or machete attacks and you still want one around? -Stephen


Even my father-in-law approached me with a plan he has for removing the stump involving a system of straps, blocks and levers.

I always wanted to be popular, I just never thought it would be because of a stump. Now I'm kind of hesitant to remove it.

Check out the Clean Laffs Facebook page for a pic of my failed attempt.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"Last week, Twitter introduced a 'quality filter' that gets rid of tweets that contain spam, mean, or unwanted content. An hour later, Twitter filed for bankruptcy." -Conan O'Brien

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"Police in Australia are searching for a group of men seen releasing live crocodiles into a school building. Though, if you ask me, they should probably be searching for the crocodiles." -Seth Meyers

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"A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have health problems. Or as those people put it, 'I was afraid of that.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.

After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.

The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.

It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."

"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I've reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said.

Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend that much on my wedding."

My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once."