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Friday, August 24, 2018

Good morning crew,

I had a couple of mulberry bushes growing in my backyard and both of them were becoming a real nuisance. One of them was choking out my lilac and the other one was about to take down a gutter. So I decided to remove them.

But being the cheap bastard I am I was determined to do it with the only tool I have; a hand pruner.

It took me two weeks and I just finished last night in a two hour blitz of hand pruning. Every branch had to be clipped into 6-inch lengths so they would fit into the yard waste bags, and now I feel like Popeye looks. My forearms are wrecked.

But there is still one job left that I can't finish with a hand pruner. The stump. I was about to give up and actually spend money to buy an axe when I hit upon what could very well be a brilliant idea.

In the garage I have a bolt of heavy duty nylon line. I also have an 8 cylinder, 355-horsepower SUV with a trailer hitch. It seems to me like it would be a short job to tie that stump onto the trailer hitch, pop the old 'wagon' into low gear and gun it.

I think I'll try it this weekend. What's the worst that can happen?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"An 11-year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state elections website and change results in under 10 minutes. So get ready to meet Florida's next governor, Fortnite McDeadpool." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"Scientists in Canada are working to create the world's first beer brewed entirely from cannabis. Scientists say they've been working tirelessly from morning to mid-morning." -Seth Meyers

***

"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over. Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts into the kitchen.

"Careful," he cries. "Careful! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble them! Now! We need more butter. They're gonna stick! Careful! Now scramble them again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife turns and asks, "What is wrong with you?"

Her husband calmly replies, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Two buddies were getting dressed in the locker room after a workout, when the first man saw something that give him a bit of a shock.

"How long have you been wearing that bra?" the man asked his friend.

The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment of my car."