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Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Good morning crew,

What an absolutely beautiful, idyllic summer day it is here in the Chicagoland area. It is about 75 degrees, with low humidity. The sun is shining and a gentle, sweet-smelling breeze is blowing the occasional fluffy, white cloud around just a brilliant, azure sky.

I have been reading all about it online while I've been sitting here inside the office all day.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A guy in New York is selling the world's largest video game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn't really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for the divorce." -Jimmy Fallon

***

"A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He was caught when authorities examined the three hours of security footage of his face." -Seth Meyers

***

"A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien

***

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"

"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too good!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase "without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document."

"Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire. "I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed, "Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge."

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