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Monday, August 20, 2018

Good morning crew,

I got hooked on a show recently called 'Alaskan Bush People'. It's a reality show that follows a family of 9 as they try to make a life for themselves on a chunk of remote, undeveloped Alaskan wilderness.

It's not a contest or a game. Apparently, these people own the land and they are trying to build a tribal community on it. In the first season they show up in the middle of a forest next to a river with a truck, a tent, and a camera crew in tow, and start to build shelters and hunt for food (I'm assuming the camera crew had a trailer with coolers full of sandwiches somewhere close by).

There was a marathon on over the weekend and I watched five or six episodes. It's obvious these people are no strangers to the wilderness, but they are still amateurs. It is immense fun watching them try to build cabins out of sticks and leaves and thinking, 'How would I solve this problem if I were out there with nothing but a saw, a hatchet and a hammer?'

At one point in the afternoon the wife was sitting next to me watching the family half-ass some project when I commented, "What do these guys think they're doing? That's never going to work. What a waste of time and effort."

The wife said, "That's easy to say when you're sitting in your living room in your underwear drinking a cup of coffee. I doubt you could do any better under the circumstances."

"I guarantee you I could do better."

"Well, it's not like you can prove it anyway," concluded the wife.

So now I have plans to build a one-room cabin in the back yard. I already have some preliminary sketches. Now I need to buy an axe and find out where I can chop down 30 or 40 pine trees. There is a forest preserve just a few miles down the road. That would be a good place to start.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for destruction of property after she tried filling in words on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum. If charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word for enclosure." -Seth Meyers

***

"Scientists have discovered that men are genetically programed to look at other women. So sorry, ladies, it's science. I've got to do what I've got to do." -Conan O'Brien

***

"Best Buy just purchased a company that provides emergency response services. So, next time you're having a heart attack, don't worry, the Geek Squad will be over tomorrow between 2:00 and 4:00 to save your life." -Jimmy Fallon

***

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head...

I think my dog might be in Congress!




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her.

Jesus raised his hand and spoke, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."

From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward to poor victim.

Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I'm trying to make a point here!"