Sunday, August 19, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
For some reason everyone in the office was in a complaining mood this morning.
Steve kicked the whole thing off, "Look at that asshole in the parking lot who parked across two spaces. Guys like that really piss me off."
"You know what pisses me off," said Kris, one of the administrators, "are people who park their cars at the pumps at the gas station and then go inside and shop. Just pump and go!"
"Perfectly able-bodied fat-asses who get on the elevator and ride the ten feet up to the second floor while the stairs are right there piss me off," contributed Lewis.
"You know what pisses me off?" I said. "When you take a chick out, buy her drinks and a nice meal and then she won't put out."
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"A report shows smoking marijuana can help eliminate diarrhea. It's true. The finding was called significant by doctors and a win-win by Taco Bell." -Conan O'Brien
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
"I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's willing to make a decision she'll regret in the future." --Richard Jeni
"Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up." Replied the doctor.
"Well," the man admitted, "The problem is now I think I gave it to my wife."
"Son of a bitch!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"