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Friday, August 3, 2018

Good morning crew,

Last Friday we left at 3 a.m. for our 11 hour road trip to Pennsylvania. By the time we got to the little town of Stotesbury early that afternoon I was in dire need of two things; a bathroom and a stiff drink. Blessedly, the first thing we saw when we pulled up to the hotel was a Ruby Tuesday restaurant right on the other side of the parking lot.

I was never so happy to see a Ruby Tuesday.

I wasn't the only one feeling fatigued, so it didn't take much persuasion on my part to talk the other members of our party into stopping in for a refresher.

Ah, that cool, quiet interior was so inviting. It being 3 in the afternoon the place was almost completely empty so we commandeered four seats at the corner of the bar and immediately got the attention of the bartender, an attractive and sympathetic middle-aged woman named Donna.

After explaining our distress to Donna, we quickly found ourselves in possession of four 22 ounce mugs of ice cold, foamy beer. But when you're thirsty 22 ounces go fast, so before too long we were forced to order a second.

Now, this event being something of a family reunion we knew that a number of family members were staying in the same hotel as we were, still I was a little surprised to see a niece I haven't seen in years come walking in the door just a little while later.

Excited greetings and hugs were exchanged and another round of drinks was ordered as everybody played catch up on recent life events.

When you are spending time in the company of people you enjoy time flies, so it didn't seem like more than a few minutes passed before my brother Michael, who lives in Las Vegas, walked in the door and another round was ordered.

The same thing happened when my sister Stella, who lives in Missouri, made an appearance.

At some dim, foggy point in the evening I remember being handed a tumbler with about 6 ounces of scotch whiskey in it and Donna giving me a sly wink.

Thankfully the hotel was only a 50 yard walk away, because it turned into a very long night. At least that's what I was told the next morning.

Apparently it was a big hit when I did the bit about the old blind man and his four daughters. The only problem is I have no recollection of it.

Laugh it up,


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"Is everyone here familiar with Crocs? Well, there's a brand-new style that have just been introduced; high-heel Crocs! High-heel Crocs - for the woman who wants to let everyone know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party." -James Corden


"IKEA has announced plans to test out small-scale stores that could fit more easily into city environments. Just as soon as builders can figure out the instructions." -Seth Meyers


"Yelp is going to start showing what restaurants scored on their health inspections. If you want to know how your favorite restaurant did, trust me, no you don't." -Jimmy Fallon


Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown."

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus."

So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you MORON!?"