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Sunday, July 29, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was out for lunch over the weekend and while I was sitting at the bar waiting for a table I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties talking next to me.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man, you look tired."

His buddy says, "Dude, I'm exhausted. Me and my girlfriend had sex ALL weekend. She's burning me out."

Wanting to share my years of wisdom I couldn't help but interjecting, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"



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"There are some nursing homes in New York that are allowing elderly residents to have sex. There's also a new trend the next morning at nursing homes known as the 'Shuffle of Shame.'" -Conan O'Brien

A couple starts fussing over their new born baby boy.

"Look at the size of his dick, it's huge!" said the husband proudly.

"Yes," said his wife, "but at least he has your eyes."

"According to a new study, the larger the age difference between married couples, the more likely they are to get a divorce. Or as gold-diggers call that, 'the point.'" -Jimmy Fallon

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

"The little girl thought for a moment, then she stomped them flat and said, "Well, it might be okay in California and New York, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas."