Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

Monday, July 23, 2018

Good morning crew,

You can always tell how you rate as a wedding guest by where you are seated at the reception.

I don't want to say the wife and I were an afterthought at the wedding this Saturday last, but we were seated in the back of the room right next to the janitor's closet and the kitchen entrance.

The other guests at our table included the brother of a second cousin and his date, an old neighbor who had moved away but was still on the Christmas card list, a co-worker of the groom who he apparently still owed some money, and one guy who turned out to be the janitor. One of the guests didn't show up and he didn't want the food to go to waste.

That's how I found out where the janitor's closet was.

Still, it was nice to be included.

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States." -Conan O'Brien


"New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird." -Jimmy Fallon


A man went to see his doctor to go over his blood work results. As soon as he entered the office, the doctor said to him, "I just looked at your results. You're lucky that you came in to see me today..."

The man suddenly became nervous and asked, "Why? What's wrong with my blood work?"

"Oh nothing! It's just that I'll be out of the office tomorrow," replied the doctor.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a "modesty plant" so that it obscured the view.

Now I don't think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should be able to sit and reflect."