Sunday, July 15, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Porn star Stormy Daniels is in the news again. This poor girl just CANNOT stay out of the media focus, which is probably exactly the way she wants it.
Unfortunately for her, this time she was arrested while performing at a strip club in Ohio. And while the saying goes, 'There is no such thing as bad publicity', this is one time I bet she wishes she could have avoided it.
Apparently she was touching three different customers during her performance at the Sirens club, in violation of state law barring anyone from touching a dancer who is either nude or semi-nude.
Court documents reportedly claim that Daniels, during her performance, forced faces of club customers into her breasts and used her exposed breast to smack their faces. She also allegedly fondled the breast of female customers.
In the first place; this kind of behavior is not all that bizarre for a strip club. And in the second place; I kind of miss hanging out in those places.
But Stormy's mistake was that several of these 'customers' were undercover vice officers, and they arrested her on the spot.
Stormy's lawyer claimed the arrest "was politically motivated, and "reeks of desperation." And I have to agree. There are rules in strip clubs, and then there are RULES.
For example; a stripper can touch a customer and not get in trouble, as long as it is not under his clothes or below his waist. This usually includes a little friendly titty-slapping.
Contrary-wise; a customer can usually get away with running a hand up a stripper's thigh as long as he's not too obvious about it. An ass squeeze will get you a verbal warning from one of those gorillas with no necks (if he sees it), but if you are not drunk or obnoxious that usually won't get you bounced.
Grabbing titties has a high chance of getting you kicked out, but there are even rules to that, too. For example; if a performer really likes you (i.e. you're tipping her really well) she might position her body to allow you a squeeze or two without anyone seeing.
All of this goes on with the implicit understanding that strip clubs are money (and tax generating) machines and as long as the performers aren't providing blow jobs under the tables the authorities are pretty tolerant.
So to have several undercover vice officers just waiting to arrest this poor bimbo for doing something every other stripper in the country is doing has got to be pure and simple intimidation.
Poor Stormy, after having fucked Donald Trump, hasn't she suffered enough?
On the other hand, this will make an exciting chapter in her sure-to-be-published tell-all book, 'From Humps to Trump'.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
"A new porn site is donating a penny to charity each time someone watches one of their porn videos. So finally, a reason to watch porn." -Conan O'Brien
My wife informed me she had my funeral all planned out. She has picked out a deep mahogany casket. She will have me buried in a black suit with light blue shirt and my power red tie. A red scarf folded neatly into the breast pocket. I will have flowers in all the colors surrounding the casket. All my favorite songs will be sung by the church choir.
She asked me if I had planned her funeral.
I told her I was going to cremate her and toss her ashes into the warm Caribbean waters from the back of a singles cruise.
"An Oklahoma woman was arrested for attempting to have her kids blow into her car's breathalyzer so that she could drive drunk. Even worse, her kids failed." -Seth Meyers
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's Ass shows"
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's Ass out in Front" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass". This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.
The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best Ass in Town"
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.
The paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day.