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Thursday, July 12, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Fuckin' Brits.

Leave it to them to mainstream lesbian prostitution.

Okay, I might be getting ahead of myself a bit. It is not exactly prostitution. Call it lesbian 'erotic' massage.

But if you get a massage with a 'happy' ending in the United's prostitution.

It is a new trend in London and it is called Yoni. Apparently that is the Sanskrit word for vagina, but it literally means "sacred space" (I guess that's better than "cum dumpster" or "cock socket").

I just read an article by a British "Massage guru" who put herself on the line to get her kitty pet by another woman.

According to her, the goal of the massage isn't an orgasm. The goal is to release physical and emotional blockages by focusing on a lady's private parts and freeing sexual energy to enable the recipient to become more in tune with her body.

To me that sounds like a really long way to say 'orgasm'.

The article's author described how her masseuse, Lisa, lit aromatic candles and put on soothing music before helping the author take off her clothes.

How is that not a 'trick'?

I don't want to go into any more details, but by the end of the article I was a little aroused. If you want to read the complete story I'm sure you can look the article up yourself.

I only wish this story wasn't plastered all over the Internet. I'm afraid my wife is going to want to get one of these Yoni massages (and not let me watch).



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"Seventy-two new emojis came out today, and I saw that one of the new emojis is a pregnant woman. Apparently it's the emoji you get nine months after texting, 'You up?'" -Jimmy Fallon

My wife just came in all flustered and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going."

I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you must be going - 'cuz when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"

"Nearly 1 million adults in the U.S. are in a same-sex marriage. That's compared to the nearly 40 million adults in a no-sex marriage." -Conan O'Brien

Here are 10 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio...

1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator:

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

5) US PGA Com mentator:

"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said?"

6) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

7) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

8) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

9) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

10) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."