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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Good morning crew,

You know, all of those years at Cousin Kaz's Independence Day parties, I always remembered Cousin Kaz playing the congenial host. In the middle of a party of 30 or 40 people he would be mingling with guests, a drink in one hand and a cigar in the other, participating in the occasional game of volleyball, or relaxing somewhere in the shade while making jokes and telling stories.

At my party last week I barely had 20 people, and all I remember doing was cooking, cleaning, serving food and fetching drinks pretty much all afternoon.

By the time I finally got to sit down and relax around 5 or 6 in the evening almost everybody had left.

Partying never used to be this hard. I must be doing something wrong.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband's grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!"

***

My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...She was attacked by a giant crab.

***

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

***

A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River.

"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"

"You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..."

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Canada, Sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there."

"Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"