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Thursday, July 5, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have a friend (an acquaintance really, more like a friend-of-a-friend, okay; a friend of Lewis') who is one of those militant left-wingers. He believes our national sins cannot be forgiven and that racism, xenophobia, greed, corporatocracy, and economic terrorism are an inextricable part of our national identity.

Anyway, I saw him on Facebook and noticed that he had a number of pictures posted of his recent Independence Day party. I know I should have left it alone, but I couldn't help myself. So I sent him a message asking why he was celebrating the birth of an evil empire that was built on slavery, patriarchy and exploitation.

He replied saying that even in an evil empire there were things worth celebrating.

I replied, "Yeah, it could be worse. If we were still British then our empire would have been built on the exploitation of the Indians, the Chinese, the Irish, the Burmese, the Malaysians and the Canadians, instead of the blacks and the Mexicans."

He answered and said that if nothing else, he was celebrating that the government was shut down for a day.

Apparently there is no hypocrisy in beer and Polish sausages.



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"Good men are unwilling to rule, either for money's sake or for honour.... So they must be forced to consent under threat of penalty.... The heaviest penalty for declining to rule is to be ruled by someone inferior to yourself. That is the fear, I believe, that makes decent people accept power..." -Plato

A man is driving his five year old to a friend's house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.

"Douche-bag!" the father yells.

A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn't make it right, and I don't ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"

His son looks at him and says, "Too late, douche-bag."

"Nearly 1 million adults in the U.S. are in a same-sex marriage. That's compared to the nearly 40 million adults in a no-sex marriage." -Conan O'Brien

Reasons To Like Beer by 7 Year Olds

A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want On television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my daddy. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'