Friday, June 29, 2018

Good morning crew,

I'm in for it now. All I did was make a few casual, off-hand comments about having a cook-out on the 4th, and now all of a sudden I'm hosting a party.

There's no backing out. I guess I'll have to spend the day outside in the sunshine, grilling, eating sausages and chicken wings, and drinking ice cold beer.

If I gotta, I gotta.

The only hitch is it's not going to be just the wife and me sitting in the backyard on lawn chairs. Now that I have 15 or 20 people coming over I have to whip the place into shape. All I have to do is; pressure wash the patio, clean the garage, clean the house, mow the lawn, pull the patio set out of storage and build it, pull the party tent out of storage, clean the grill, set up tiki torches, decorate, shop for food, beer, ice and supplies, and finish painting the garage.

I've got four days. Shouldn't be a problem.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A Minor League Baseball team in Pennsylvania is selling a hot dog wrapped in cotton candy topped with Nerds candies. And instead of condiments, every one of those comes with a cry for help." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings." -Seth Meyers

***
"The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That's dangerous. Experts say the best thing you can do in heat like this is take a screen shot of the weather app and post it to Facebook. That way if you die, you go out with some likes." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You're kidding, right?
8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (my favorite)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a Jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.

As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said...."You're a Jew?"

"Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite.

"Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it."