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Monday, June 25, 2018

Good morning crew,

If there is one thing I have learned through years and years of frustration, disappointment and disillusionment, it's that nothing is ever easy.

Take this godforsaken garage project. How hard could it be to slap a coat of paint on a stupid garage? As of right now it has been three weeks, and it's still not done.

Saturday the wife and I both put in about 7 hours and I was sure we would be able to finish the project when we ran out of paint.

I may not be Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, but I can add. The surface area of the garage is just shy of 500 square feet, maybe 485, even a little less if you subtract the window. And it says right on the paint can; 1 gallon will cover about 350 square feet. I bought 2 gallons.

Even including the soffit I don't see how I could end up with three-quarters of a wall unfinished.

I'm seriously tempted to just leave it. It's in the back. No one will ever see it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Authorities in Florida are searching for two men who left an injured alligator at a convenience store. Said the alligator, 'No, no, it's cool. They said they'd see me later.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"Today is the first official day of summer. Right now, everyone's thinking, 'I'm gonna hike! I'm gonna go camping! I'm gonna hit the beach!' While Netflix is like, 'Suuure you are.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. Or, you could just try a salad some time." -Conan O'Brien

***

At an art gallery, a woman and her 10 year old son were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose and went with the autumn themed one.

"I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one," said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction.

"No," said the boy. "This painting is wider, so it'll cover the three holes I put in the wall."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A therapist has a theory that the more often couples make love, the happier they are. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, "How many people here make love 2 to 3 times a week?" Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. "How about once a week?" A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "Once a month?" A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, "OK, how about once a year?"

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked as this lone aberration disproves his theory. "If you make love only once a year," he asks, "what are you so happy about?"

The man yells, "Today's the day!"