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Friday, June 22, 2018

Good morning crew,

Last night, when the wife got home around 7:30, I asked her if she wanted to go out and celebrate with a drink.

"Celebrate what?" she asked.

I said, "The solstice. It's officially summer!"

Apparently she hadn't noticed. Not many people did, since it was raining and 68 degrees. But we went out anyway. I have learned through years, decades of bitter experience that you should never pass up a good excuse to go out and have a little fun.

Anyway, welcome to summer.

Laugh it up,


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"As the World Cup continues, a report just came out that football fans in Russia have been drinking so much that bars are running out of beer. Russian bars didn't order enough beer? What did they think a bunch a rowdy football fans were going to do? They're like, 'Guys, the next round is on me. Sauvignon blanc? Gin and cucumber? I got you.'" -James Corden


"A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today received free rides from the transportation company until his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City subway received hepatitis." -Seth Meyers


"Banks are starting to offer services through virtual assistants like Amazon Echo, which backfires when you ask Alexa for your account balance and she just starts laughing." -Jimmy Fallon


The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but you've dialed the wrong number."

The caller would often reply with something like, "But I didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)