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MOUTHPIECE - June 19, 2018

Good Afternoon,


Some say I'm paranoid, but I'm really not. I just don't know why people keep talking about me and my supposed paranoia. It seems to be on everyone's tongue. Everywhere I look people are chatting away, no doubt it's about you-know-who. No matter where I go I just can't seem to escape it. I think I'm being followed. Not right now, I meant earlier.

Hey, wait! Who's reading this? What do you want?!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mouthing Off,
Carl


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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it."
--Doris Day

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
--George Carlin

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."
--Lucille Ball



[m] What's On the Web?

32 Phrases That Are Instant, Gigantic Red Flags

From Cracked.com: It seems like everywhere you look, people are spouting problematic opinions. The thing is, there are ways to tell when someone is about to be awful. There are specific phrases that are gigantic red flags. Hearing any of the following phrases should immediately kick your brain into fight or flight mode.

Visit: 32 Phrases That Are Instant, Gigantic Red Flags


Greatest Film Mis-Quotes

From filmsite.org: Some of the most classic film lines or scenes are really only legendary and/or apocryphal, or they are merely movie misquotes, but after many years of repetition and being misquoted in subsequent films, they have become part of the film-going public's consciousness. Many of these examples are film quotes that were either commonly attributed wrongly, or in fact were never actually spoken.

Visit: Greatest Film Mis-Quotes



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Top Ten Signs You're Paranoid --*

10. You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, "You are here."

9. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren't enough.

8. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house, but then fire him because he's part of the conspiracy.

7. Before you take the garbage cans back from the street, you check them for really short Mafia hit men.

6. You are learning six foreign languages because you just know those people you don't understand are talking about YOU.

5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting against you.

4. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind your back.

3. It takes you three hours each evening to program the household alarms and video surveillance system before you can go to bed.

2. You're checking off each number on this list as you read.

1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up unless you have an actual reason to.

***

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