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Friday, June 8, 2018

Good morning crew,

This weekend is our wedding anniversary. It will be 6 (or 7, I'll have to double check) wonderful, blessing-filled years of marriage and near-bankruptcy.

I'm kidding. We've only been in near-bankruptcy since we bought the house, so less than 4 years of that.

Last night the wife asked me what I'd like to do this weekend.

I said, "Oh, I've already got it all planned out."

"You do?" she sounded surprised since I can't even plan a dentist appointment.

"Yep, we've got plans pretty much the entire day Saturday."

"Really? What are we doing?"

"I'll give you a hint," I said and started fishing in the kitchen junk drawer "This is a little present I got for you the other day."

The wife was all attention now. "Anniversary plans AND a present? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

"Are you ready?" I asked and held up my surprise. "Ta-da!"

She gave it a puzzled look, "What is it?"

"What do you mean 'What is it?' It's a paint scraper! I got one for myself, too," I said, producing another one from the drawer.

"And what are you planning to do with those?" she asked suspiciously.

"I know we've been putting off repainting the garage for two years now. Well, you won't have to look at all that pealing paint anymore. We're finally going to get that project crossed off the list. Starting this weekend!"

"Why this weekend? Our anniversary weekend? Why can't we start on it next weekend?"

"Because I don't want to do all of the painting alone, so I have Mason coming over next weekend to help. That means we have to get all the scraping and priming done this weekend. Come on, it'll be fun! Think of it like a giant arts and crafts project. You love that stuff."

She didn't look convinced.

"By the way," I added, "I told Mason you'd barbecue for him when he comes over."

Laugh it up,


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"People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers


"In the United Kingdom, a baby's first word was 'Alexa.' The baby's next words were 'Find me new parents.'" -Conan O'Brien


On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt.

Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"