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Thursday, June 7, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Last week I mentioned a news story which revealed the startling fact that it is possible for women to orgasm from breast stimulation alone.

Never before conceiving this bizarre unlikelihood I asked my readers to acquaint me with any experiences or strategies they might have to accomplish this little miracle.

I was hoping to get some dirty emails from my female subscribers, but what I received was the usual juvenile tripe from the 40-year-old adolescents who seem to be the only ones left on my subscriber list.

Gems like: "My mother in law likes jumper cables." from a cosmopolite named Eugene.


"Use a diamond necklace. they love sparkly things." -Warren


"TZ for you it sounds like the best way to stimulate your wifes titz is to leave them the hell alone least thats what she told me while you were playing golf last weekend." -George

So it looks like I'm on my own. Like usual.



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"A new study came out that found the more porn a man watches, the less motivation he has. I was going to read more about the study, but for some reason I just completely lost interest." -Conan O'Brien

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this; when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better--your ear or your finger?"

"Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this drunk fat girl came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches.