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MOUTHPIECE - June 5, 2018

Good Afternoon,

I thought today would be a good day for a joke. I'm all about the jokes lately.

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog."

Doctor: "Lie down on the couch."

Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture."

It feels good to laugh, doesn't it? Have a good week. Of course you will. You now have Mouthpiece.

Mouthing Off,

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
--Joan Rivers

"A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world."
--John le Carre

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water."
--Carl Reiner

[m] What's On the Web?

Every State's Favorite '90s Kids Cartoon

From iheartradio, take a break from doing The Macarena and tear the tags off your Beanie Babies because it's time to head back to the 1990s. The decade was great for many things but one in particular was the animated shows that aired then. From Animaniacs to Dragon Ball Z, the 90s had something for everyone when it came to cartoons. Now, we know exactly which 90s cartoon is each state's favorite.

Visit: Every State's Favorite '90s Kids Cartoon

Why We Should All Re-watch 'Big' On Its 30th Anniversary

Wanna feel like a kid again? Give the Tom Hank's classic 'Big' another look on its 30th anniversary.

Visit: Why We Should All Re-watch 'Big' On Its 30th Anniversary

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Strange and Funny Signs --*

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.


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