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Thursday, May 31, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I came across (heh heh) an article recently called Nine Surprising Facts About Breasts You Probably Didn't Know. As it turned out, most of the facts were not that surprising at all and I did know them.

Facts like; breasts are asymmetrical, some more than others. Usually the right breast is larger than the left. Or that pregnancy (and smoking) can cause breasts to sag. No news flash there.

One thing I always kind of assumed, but didn't know there was empirical evidence for, is that both men AND women tend to stare at breasts.

According to a study where women and men were fitted with an eye-tracking device, both were found to look at a woman's boobs instead of her face, but men do it for longer. So women boob-watch too, but they're just quicker about it.

But the one 'fact' that threw me for a loop is that, apparently, some women can orgasm from breast stimulation alone!

Two high-profile sex educators conducted an in-depth study for their book entitled 'I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide', and they reported that 1 percent of the women in their research told them they could orgasm just from playing with their tits!

This was news to me. I know that almost all women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation, and a lot of women can cum from vaginal stimulation (usually supplemented with a little clit action), and if you can believe hard-core porn, it is even possible for a woman to cum from anal stimulation.

But the sweater puppies? I've never heard of such a thing.

So I feel like I have an obligation to do a little personal research. If only for my wife's sake. I have had to rely on the same old tricks to get her off for over 20 years. If I can find a new key to unlock the same door, I think she deserves it.

Now let's see, what will I need; ice maybe? Clothes pins? Candle wax? Finger paints? I'm really at kind of a loss here.

If any ladies have any ideas (if any are still subscribed to this list), please help a poor, lost soul out.

What is the best way to stimulate my wife's breasts?



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"A man has been sentenced to five years in jail for trying to smuggle 51 turtles in his pants. The man has already told his cellmate, 'There's nothing you can do to me that 51 turtles haven't.'" -Conan O'Brien

A woman tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk explains that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on 'special'.

Suddenly, the lady starts screaming! "Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples! Pinch My Nipples!"

The befuddled clerk runs away to get the store manager. The manager goes to the lady and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the lady starts yelling, Pinch My Nipples! Please, pinch My Nipples!"

By now a crowd has gathered! In shock, the manager pleads, "Ma'am, why do you keep saying that?

In a huff, the woman says, "Because, I like to have my nipples pinched when I'm getting screwed!"

"The new season of 'The Bachelorette' begins on Monday. Where the bachelorette must choose between 28 strains of HPV." -Seth Meyers

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty-four."

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"

Again, there is a bright flash ... and then his legs fall off!