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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Good morning crew,

I received an email from the wife this morning with the subject line, "We have babies!"

That threw me a bit. If we have babies then I have been REALLY distracted the last nine or ten months.

But when I opened the email I found a picture attachment that showed our momma duck with what appears to be 8 healthy-looking baby chicks waddling around the back lawn.

It looks like the wife was right after all. I thought for sure that the dog would have chased that duck off long ago, or the lawn mower would have scared her away, or that she would have abandoned her chicks once she figured out that she couldn't get them out of the fenced-in backyard.

But just like the wife imagined it in her mind, the chicks hatched overnight and she discovered them first thing in the morning, so she was there to open the gate and chaperone the whole family across the street and through the neighbor's yard to the drainage pond.

I read that the mother duck and the chicks will usually abandon the nest immediately after they make it to water, but sometimes they will continue to use it for weeks after hatching for brooding (whatever that is) if the nest is close to water, like, say, across the street.

If they do come back I hope the wife is prepared to act as a duck doorman for the next month, opening and closing that gate. And to hose duck crap off the patio on a daily basis.

Pop over to the Clean Laffs Facebook page to see a pic of the new family.

Laugh it up,


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"Saturday was Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding. Millions of Americans woke up at 4 a.m., turned the royal wedding on TV and thought, 'Wait, what am I doing with my life?'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Google has created several new emojis aimed at empowering women. So congratulations women, you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis." -Conan O'Brien


"A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering." -Seth Meyers


Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"

John: "I haven't found the right woman yet."

George: "So what are you looking for?"

John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle finances, have a nice and pleasant personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn't hurt either."

George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!"

John: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it.

If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."