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Thursday, May 17, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I keep seeing this SPAM saying, "She'll be begging for more!"

Well, I gotta tell you Mr. Spammer, you better get a little better at your job. I don't need your product to leave my wife begging for more. I've left every woman I've ever porked begging for more. You know why? Because I suck in bed.

That's right. The ladies used to call me 'Quick Draw McGraw' because I'm the fastest shooter in the west. I'm so fast I make Ricochet Rabbit look like Don Jaun.

Leave her begging for more? Shiieeeet. Bitches always want more of something.



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"Facebook is adding a new feature that will allow people to use Facebook as an online dating app. Hasn't Facebook always been a dating site? Specifically, for married men in their 50s who leave their wives after reconnecting with their high school sweetheart. That's it, isn't it?" -James Corden

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a minute he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"

"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

Clean Laffs Joe found some spam in his mailbox this morning that said in big letters, "Satisfy the girl with a bigger dick!"

"Hell," Joe said, "I wouldn't be caught dead with a girl with a dick that's bigger than mine."

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no fuckin' bike."