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Saturday, May 5, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Those sexy curves, that tight rear end, and what a tailpipe! A car can be a very sensual thing. Especially to a man. It's not an accident that new model sports and luxury cars are frequently displayed with a gorgeous woman draped over them. But one Kansas man found the temptation of all that chrome and rubber just too great.

Police in Newton, Kansas took a 24-year-old man to the emergency room May 1 after he was found attempting to have sex with a car.

"We were called to the 1200 block of East Broadway to a report of a naked male underneath a car," said Lt. Scott Powell of the Newton Police Department. "He was attempting to stick his penis into the tailpipe of the vehicle." [How many of us have been there!]

According to Powell, the suspect did not respond to officer commands and officers used a taser to subdue him. "He was high on some sort of drug," Powell said. "Officers were there, and he continued to try and have sex with the tailpipe of the car. He would not listen to commands or anything."

The man, who will likely be charged with a misdemeanor of lewd and lascivious behavior, was intoxicated to the point he was nearly incoherent.

"He was so impaired we could not take him to jail," Powell said.

He was taken to the emergency room as the result of "his odd behavior," due to a .35 blood alcohol level and possible drug use. Officers also observed what appeared to be a head injury previous to interaction with officers.

And before anyone asks, I tried several sources and I could not identify the make and model of the vehicle.

Personally, I'd do a Cadillac. Maybe an Escalade. But the Navigators are nice, too.


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*---------- Mystery Pooper Identified ----------*

It figures. Police in New Jersey said a "mystery pooper" responsible for repeatedly leaving human feces on a high school's field was identified -- as a nearby school superintendent. The Holmdel Township Police Department said Holmdel High School staff were finding fresh piles of poop on a daily basis in the area surrounding the facility's football and track fields. The school resource officer and school staff monitored the area and identified the "mystery pooper" as Thomas Tramaglini, 42, of Matawan. Tramaglini is the superintendent of the Kenilworth School District, which does not include Holmdel High School, officials said. "We learned of municipal court charges facing our current superintendent of schools in Holmdel, N.J.," the board said in a statement. "Given the nature of those charges, he asked for and was granted a paid leave of absence." Tramaglini faces charges of defecating in public, lewdness and littering, police said. Of course, I bet anybody who has had to work extensively with kids can sympathize with this guy, even if only a little bit.


*---------- Clown Sex Never Goes Well ----------*

A woman in the United Kingdom was jailed for stabbing a teenage boy while having sex with him. Zoe Adams, 19, a mother of one child, met 17-year-old Kieran Bewick for sex. The two had been in an on again off again relationship when Bewick told Adams that he was afraid of clowns. One day, while meeting for sex, Adams dressed as a clown. Adams put a pillow over his head and whispered to Bewick to trust her before stabbing him five times in the chest, arm, and thigh with a 10-inch knife. He suffered injuries including a collapsed lung. Bewick was rushed to a hospital, where he was treated and later released when he recovered. Police took the woman's phone as part of the investigation. The court heard that she had images stored on the device, which included a bloody woman with the caption "murder is like a bag of chips: you can not stop after just one." Bewick told the court that he was left traumatized by the incident. He has a hard time sleeping and he is now more terrified of clowns than ever before. The judge sentenced Adams to 11 and a half years in prison.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

That's just great. I had a fear of spiders in the spring and summer... now I learn they live 43 yrs. That's longer than the expiration date on the spider spray.

According to crime statistics, singing fish cause gay men to become violent. Ban them now!

I loved that story about the singing fish! I had one also & never thought to use it a weapon-shame on me. Like I've written to you before, "Crazies in FloriDUH". When I retire it sure as hell won't be there as I'm just a little touched & wouldn't fit in. -Buzzy

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*