THE DAILY GROANER - May 2, 2018
Good Morning Groanies,
My two favorite things are irony and...I guess I forgot the other one. That's not important right now. What is important is this list of ultimate ironies. Today, I am Irony Man.
I bet I could quit gambling.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.
As I said before, I'll only say this once.
This statement is false.
Don't you hate rhetorical questions?
God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!
The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Never believe generalizations.
Avoid alliterations always.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Just say NO to negativity.
I hope you enjoyed the irony and if you didn't...isn't it ironic?
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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve
*-- What Are These Numbers? --*
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
*-- Get Your Act Together --*
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?
A: One of them is organized.
Q: What's stranger than seeing a catfish?
A: Seeing a goldfish bowl.
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