THE DAILY GROANER - May 2, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,

My two favorite things are irony and...I guess I forgot the other one. That's not important right now. What is important is this list of ultimate ironies. Today, I am Irony Man.

I bet I could quit gambling.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.

As I said before, I'll only say this once.

This statement is false.

Don't you hate rhetorical questions?

God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!

Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!

The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Never believe generalizations.

Avoid alliterations always.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

Just say NO to negativity.

I hope you enjoyed the irony and if you didn't...isn't it ironic?

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- What Are These Numbers? --*
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"



*-- Get Your Act Together --*
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"



*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.


Q: What's stranger than seeing a catfish?

A: Seeing a goldfish bowl.

***
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