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THE DAILY GROANER - April 30, 2018

Good Morning Groanies,


January fires bring May move-in days. That's right! The family and I are moving back home this week and we couldn't be more excited.

The kids can't wait to run around and enjoy their newly painted and carpeted bedrooms. Stacy can't wait to back to her hobby of baking delicious treats for us to share and snuggling up with yours truly and relaxing on the couch.

I'm looking forward to get back down to the basement. That's where "Movietown" is. It's my own personal Blockbuster Video. A sea of cinematic gems that are ready to enchant both my eyes and ears with tales as old as time itself. Oh, and sleeping in my bed, taking the garbage out in my underwear, and chasing away stray cats, I missed all that stuff, too.

All kidding aside, it has been rough the last few months. I still can't believe we made it through this. It's been said that you can't go home again, but in some cases, there are exceptions to the rule.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Good News and Bad News --*

Two green beans were crossing the highway when one of them was hit by a truck. His buddy scraped him up and rushed him to the hospital.

After hours of surgery the doctor came in and said, "I have good news and bad news."

The green bean started to rejoice and the doctor said, "The good news is that he's going to live...The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."



*-- Bathroom Troubles --*

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."



*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Where would you look when purchasing felines via mail order?

A: In a Cat-a-log.


Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to?

A: Boarding school.

***

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