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Thursday, April 26, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I read a story recently which said that having sex about once a week is the 'sweet spot' for happiness.

The story was quoting a study done by the University of Toronto, but those horny Canuck were surveying Americans, so I figure the data is applicable.

What I want to know is; who the hell is getting laid once a week?

I'm lucky, LUCKY if I get to dip my spoon in the honey pot twice a month. But maybe in my middle-age I'm paying for all the frantic humping I did before my wife and I had kids.

I remember we used to screw like stoats. I used to have to rub my johnson with healing cream for friction burns.

I guess it's all caught up to me now, but you know, I bet if I averaged it all out I'm still doing better than once a week.

And if you add in masturbation I'm way above the curve.



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"Negotiations to buy the company that makes Adderall ended today without a deal. Meanwhile, talks to buy the maker of Cialis lasted over four hours so they had to call a doctor." -Conan O'Brien

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live. Totally worth it.

"During rush hour here in New York yesterday, a woman gave birth in the back of an Uber. The mother was overjoyed while the other people in her Uber pool were like, 'We'll walk from here.'" -Jimmy Fallon

A wealthy man wanted to get married, but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.