Thursday, March 15, 2018
Greetings Laff Lovers,
My wife told me she wanted to go see the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
"You know that's just soft core fetish erotica for bored, horny housewives," I told her.
"Yeah," she said as if I were just a little bit slow, "I have a fantasy life too, you know."
"Okay, okay," I said, "but there's no reason to blow 24 bucks on a couple of movie tickets when you can get something so much better for free!"
That said I got my laptop out and pulled up some free BDSM porn on the Internet for her.
She hasn't spoken to me since.
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"A new survey found that one-third of married women with pets say their animals are better listeners than their husbands. When husbands heard that they were like, 'Huh? You say something?'" -Jimmy Fallon
One morning, Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S & M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. The mother hid the magazine until her son's father got home from work and immediately showed the magazine to her husband.
The boy's father looked at the magazine and handed it back to his wife without saying a word. After a few minutes had passed, she finally asked her husband, "Well what should we do about this?"
Junior's father looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."
"Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. Twenty dollars to access porn, but it's $40 if you want it to show up as 'Starbucks' on your credit card bill. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion." -James Corden
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"