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Sunday, March 4, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was just reading an article about the 10 warning signs that you're about to burn out. It was called, '10 Warning Signs That You're About To Burn Out'.

The article claims that long-term excessive stress will eventually lead to chronic burnout resulting in health disturbances, psychological trauma, dissociation from reality, sexual dysfunction, dysphoria, and an unhealthy obsession with reality TV.

But there are warning signs that will let you know when your 'excessive stress' light has started to flash red. Signs include: difficulty waking up in the morning, fatigue, decreased ability to handle stressful situations, light-headedness, brain fog, reliance on caffeine or sugar to get through the day, and irregular menstrual cycles and increased PMS.

I was a little shocked to read this because I have lived with pretty much every single one of these symptoms since I was in my 20s. The only thing I can honestly say I have NOT suffered is 'brain fog' since I'm not really sure what that is. But everything else.

So according to this article I have been on the razor's edge of a major burnout for over 20 years. At any moment in the last two decades I could have blown a fuse, stripped naked, covered my body in honey and cinnamon, and started running naked through the streets.

Either that, or every single working adult with bills, responsibilities, and other people relying on him or her, suffers from stress, fatigue, lack of sleep and a reliance on caffeine to get them through the day, and maybe people should start sucking it up and getting on with their lives instead of reading stupid articles and complaining like little bitches.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go see if there is any cinnamon in the kitchen.



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"If someone has a toe fetish, but they cheat on their partner... does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?"

A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex. The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests. The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."

The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"

"Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity."

Astounded, the girl replies, "You really love me?"

"Oh, God no!" the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting."

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call the number 69.

A woman went with her husband to see his doctor. After his check-up the doctor spoke with the wife alone in his office.

He told her, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious stress disorder. Unless you start helping to really reduce his stress, he could drop dead from a stroke any day."

The doctor continued, "First, each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. And make sure a home-cooked dinner is always on the table. Always eating fast food and pizzas late at night is killing him.

"Second, try to be pleasant. Don't burden him with problems, chores, and petty little household decisions. This will stress him further.

"Most importantly, he needs regular sexual release. And I mean several times a week. Try mixing things up. If he seems exhausted or disinterested, try initiating oral sex. Even manual stimulation will help. He needs the natural production of oxytocin that comes with regular orgasms.

"If you can do these things for the next ten or twelve months your husband should recover from his stress disorder and regain his health completely and live."

On the way home the husband asked his wife to tell him what the doctor said.

The wife replied, "I'm sorry Hon, he said you're gonna die."