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Thursday, February 22, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Apparently New York University doesn't have the Internet. For Black History Month (which is February in case you're a racist and didn't know that) the school served a "Black History Month" meal in their dining hall. This meal included watermelon-flavored water and collard greens as a nod to African-American food culture, and maybe because they couldn't get hold of any chitlins and hominy.

Now this is ridiculous for several reasons. First, you don't have to be black to enjoy watermelon. That's delicious no matter who you are. Second, these stereotypes come straight out of a Merrie Melodies cartoon from the 1940s. Are these really the most relevant cultural references the administration can come up with? Watermelon and collard greens?

Finally, anybody who has been on the Internet in the last few years, or has read the news, or watched TV, or has been outside, knows that you don't make any racial references whatsoever, for any reason, unless you are a member of that race. And even then it's iffy.

People have been publically crucified for making even the most tangential references to race. I saw a video of a white college kid who was assaulted by a young black woman because he was wearing his hair in dreadlocks and she accused him of cultural appropriation (the fact that she was wearing western clothing wasn't brought up).

So in this hyper sensitive climate who the hell thought it was appropriate to celebrate black culture with a few ham-fisted throwbacks to the ol' watermelon-pickin' slave days? Especially at a University!

I'm surprised they didn't include a minstrel show.

Naturally the school was castigated, and, in this case, I think justifiably, but this story really illustrates a growing apprehension I have for getting involved with anything even remotely dealing with race.

Last night my wife an I were driving home kind of late and she suggested we pick up something to eat instead of cooking.

"Sounds good to me," I said. "What do you have in mind?"

"How about Los Bandidos Estomacales?" she replied, naming our favorite local Mexican restaurant.

"I don't know," I hedged, "I don't want to be accused of culturally appropriating a beef and bean burrito. How about something a little more American?"

"There's always Taco Bell."




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I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

A mixed-race black boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?"

The dad replies, "Why do you want to know, son?"

"Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to 40 or just steal it!"

Q: How many white people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them. 1 to hold it to the socket and the rest to screw the world.

A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see an "upturn."

"I think you mean the intern, don't you?" asked the nurse on duty.

"Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination."

"You mean examination," the nurse corrected her.

"Well, I want to go to the fraternity ward, anyway."

"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward."

To which the girl replied, "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant."