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Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

If you are going to have a three-way, make sure all three participants are aware of the arrangement, and more importantly, approve of it. Unfortunately for the woman and her lover in today's story, she had never heard this advice.

A 54-year-old Brooklyn man told police that he used a coffee table leg to beat a man he claimed was sexually assaulting his girlfriend.

As it turned out, the man, the so-called victim and the woman all knew each other. When the man came home to his apartment last week he found his girlfriend getting a little too cozy with their mutual friend.

That is when he allegedly flew into a jealous rage and beat the man with the wooden leg.

But police are not convinced it was sexual assault, suspecting it was a consensual three-way sexual encounter that went wrong.

Charges are pending against the suspect, the victim was hospitalized in critical but stable condition, while the woman was treated for shock.


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*----- This Guy Has a Future As a Prep Cook -----*

A martial artist from India claimed a unique world record by allowing dozens of watermelons to be chopped on his stomach. Vispy Jimmy Kharadi enlisted the help of fellow martial artist Vispi Baji Kasad to use a 30-inch katana to slice the fruit in order to claim the Guinness World Record for most watermelons chopped on the stomach in one minute. The pair managed to avoid injury and chop a total of 49 watermelons, narrowly edging out the previous record of 48. "The danger is always there in all such stunts, especially when there's a Japanese katana in the picture which can cut skin very easily, but because of the practice and confidence of Vispi Kasad, the pain can be offset," Kharadi said. Once the record attempt was completed Kasad and Kharadi were presented with a world record plaque and the watermelon slices were shared with guests and workers at the event. The pair of martial artists also attempted the world record for most layered bed of nails sandwich (1 inch) as part of their quest to claim multiple records for India. "We want to break 10 Guinness World Records titles for our country," Kasad said. "We are already prepared with the next two records with a sword."


*------------ That's One Lucky Puppy ------------*

A family in Pennsylvania searched the streets around their home to locate their beloved dog after an eagle snatched it and flew away. Monica Newhard said that the incident unfolded as her dog Zoey was playing in front of her home. Suddenly, a large eagle swooped in and snatched the white puppy. The eagle then flew away along with the screaming dog. Newhard and her family were brokenhearted. They began searching the surrounding streets, expecting to find the dead remains of Zoey. When she was unable to locate her dog, Newhard wrote about Zoey on Facebook. She asked everyone in her area to be on the lookout for a dead dog and contact her if Zoey was found. Later that day, Christina Hartman drove on a side road and spotted a white fluffy ball. Hartman instantly knew that it was a dog in need of help. She stopped her car, wrapped Zoey in a blanket and took it home. When Hartman logged onto Facebook, she noticed Newhard's post. Hartman contacted Newhard and Zoey was returned. Newhard was overjoyed as she never imagined finding her beloved Zoey alive.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

In Madison Wisconsin, city officials were concerned that during big (alcohol infused) events, people were climbing the light poles on State Street, risking significant injury. The solution was to grease the poles to prevent people from climbing them. The grease did work, but leave it to frustrated drunks to innovate. They turned the greased poles into a game: How high can you toss your plastic beer cup and get it to stick to the grease? This left the poles looking very interesting the next day.

I wonder if the tattoos on her breasts are a pair of deflated soccer balls? -Keith

Why keep drunks off of the light poles at all? If some idiot falls off a light pole and breaks his neck, it's his own fault and we're all probably better off without him.

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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