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Thursday, February 1, 2018

Greetings Laff Lovers,

They're called vice taxes, or sometimes sin taxes. They are special excises levied on certain goods deemed harmful to society. That's why you pay 12 bucks for a pack of smokes (see Chicago or New York) and 4 bucks for 2 liters of pop (see Washington). Now Utah is trying to set a new precedent. Last year they passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health crisis. Critics were dumbfounded that such a deceitful measure could sail through the legislature.

The resolution used laughably bad science and outright lies in an attempt to prove that porn is bad for you. Still, nobody freaked out too much. Surely it was a hollow declaration with no influence on the law. Right?

Wrong. Lobbyists and lawmakers in other states are now using the resolution as proof that potentially unconstitutional pieces of legislation are viable.

The model legislation, called the Human Trafficking Prevention Act, would slap a pornography filter on cell phones, laptops and tablets until users pay a $20 fee. Device manufacturers would be required to put a label on material deemed 'obscene' and you'd be blocked from seeing it until you paid what is essentially a tax on porn.

So how would you pay this porn tax (if you wanted to look at porn, that is)? The only way would be an electronic payment. That means providing all of your personal and financial information to whatever bureaucracy would be in charge of policing your sick, little habit.

Can you imagine anybody actually doing that? Think about your state and county governments, wherever you are. The people who collect your property taxes and provide you with your driver's license and issue you your license plates. Do REALLY want them knowing you visit Or Or Do you ReeEEEAAALLY want all of that information to be public record?

You want to buy a house that's within 100 yards of a school? I'm sorry Mr. You are considered a high-risk individual. You want custody of your child in the divorce? I'm sorry, Ms., we don't think you would provide a suitable home environment. You want to get a government job? Become a policeman? A fire fighter? A teacher? We're sorry, we don't think somebody who paid $20 to look at would make a model employee.

As laughable as this sounds it is not outside the realm of possibility. Just think about if some bureaucrat down at your county assessor's office knew what you were looking at on the Internet. Think about it.

If anything this could this mean the return of hard copy porn.



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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

Dear Dr Phil,

I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded...watching me.

Is she a pervert?

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can't have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But she was speaking to you."

I just got off the phone with a friend living in Northern Wisconsin.

He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.