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Monday, January 29, 2018

Good morning crew,

I need to head straight home after work this afternoon. Yesterday the wife and I were grocery shopping and she asked me, "Hey? How would you like to have pot roast for dinner tomorrow?"

"I do love a good pot roast," I said, "but that's four hours of cooking."

"It's okay," she reassured me, "you're gonna be home early tomorrow, right?"

Laugh it up,


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"A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a 120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night." -Jimmy Fallon


"In the news yesterday, North Korea suggested that it would like to reunite with South Korea. I think something's up because today South Korea gave North Korea its Netflix password." -Conan O'Brien


"If you don’t know what it is, the World Economic Forum is an annual gathering of the super rich. It's funny how super rich people hang out together. You don't see that at other income levels. 'You make 80 grand a year? Me too! Well, let's go do something, take a trip.'" -Jimmy Kimmel


After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.

When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate.

We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember.

After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father."

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