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Monday, January 15, 2018

Good morning crew,

Today is the last day of our New Year's resolution to give up booze for two weeks. I have to admit, it really wasn't that difficult. Everything is pretty much the same without alcohol. Just not as much fun.

So last night the wife and I were in the kitchen and she heard me say softly, "We'll be together again soon."

She turned around and said, "Why? Where are you going?"

That's when she saw me cradling a quart bottle of Heineken that's been sitting in the fridge since Christmas.

Don't think Heineken makes a quart bottle? Check out the Clean Laffs Facebook page.

Laugh it up,


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"The CEO of Domino's Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. He'll carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box." -Jimmy Fallon


"According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading." -Conan O'Brien


"Big news from the Oxford English Dictionary. For all of you kids who don't know what a dictionary is, it's a small portion of the Internet, printed out, kept on a shelf, and opened once every three years during a Scrabble game." -Jimmy Kimmel


Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"

"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."

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