MOUTHPIECE - January 16, 2018
I've never had the misfortune of having to deal with a lawyer, but I hope that when the times comes that I do get the full lawyer experience I don't have one that shows any of the following 'Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer' which you can check out below in the 'Bits N Bobs' section of this edition of Mouthpiece that I typed out with my own two fingers.
(I have ten fingers, but I only type with two of them. Guess which two!)
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[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer --*
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.
* You met him in prison.
* He tells you that his last good case was Scotch.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
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