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MOUTHPIECE - January 16, 2018

Good Afternoon,

I've never had the misfortune of having to deal with a lawyer, but I hope that when the times comes that I do get the full lawyer experience I don't have one that shows any of the following 'Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer' which you can check out below in the 'Bits N Bobs' section of this edition of Mouthpiece that I typed out with my own two fingers.

(I have ten fingers, but I only type with two of them. Guess which two!)

Mouthing Off,

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"I hate music, especially when it's played."
--Jimmy Durante

"We need a president who's fluent in at least one language."
--Buck Henry

"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
--Johnny Carson

[m] What's On the Web?

Best Sci-Fi Movies of the 21st Century

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Visit: Best Sci-Fi Movies of the 21st Century

How To Fix These 11 Broken Movies And Shows, Diagrammed

From Despite the huge glut of contributors and channels, Hollywood continues to crap out terrible movies and shows. Movie and TV creative types are nothing if not visual, so we asked our readers to diagram ways to fix the biggest, most painful flops in recent history.

Visit: How To Fix These 11 Broken Movies And Shows, Diagrammed

[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer --*

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

* You met him in prison.

* He tells you that his last good case was Scotch.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."


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