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Saturday, December 23, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There's a new danger lurking in your home this holiday season. Silent and sinister. And the irony is, you probably brought it home yourself. The deadly Christmas tree.

Experts are calling it 'Christmas Tree Syndrome' and it strikes those with particularly acute allergies.

Real trees can trigger an allergic reaction with symptoms that can include: wheezing, coughs, congestion, sore eyes and potentially life-threatening asthma attacks.

The problem is so small you can't even see it; dust, pollen and the sinister mold.

"What they're allergic to is the mold that settles on the tree during its growing time and arguably sometimes when it's waiting to be sold here on the lot," said Jimmy Coan, who is a Christmas tree farmer.

One study found the mold count from a live Christmas tree rose to five times the normal level two weeks after the tree was brought indoors. Doctors say another possible allergy issue is the water in tree stands can grow mold too.

Recommended solutions are to give your tree a good shake before bringing it indoors. And if your allergies are particularly bad, thoroughly spray the branches and trunk with your garden hose and then let it dry outside for a day. All of the shaking and spraying should get rid of most of the dust and pollen, as well the needles.

Doctors say people with these allergies should probably only keep a live Christmas tree in the house for only four to seven days.

Or, you know, you could spend a hundred bucks on an artificial tree.


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*---------- Getting High on Christmas ----------*

An elderly couple allegedly caught with 60 pounds of marijuana in Nebraska told police their stash was for Christmas gifts. Patrick Jiron, 80, and Barbara Jiron, 83, were driving on their way from their home in Clearlake Oaks, Calif. to Vermont when deputies from the York County Sheriff's Department in the Cornhusker State stopped them for failing to use their turn signal. When deputies stepped up to the Jirons' Toyota Tacoma, they said they smelled a strong odor of marijuana and found boxes of pot in the pickup topper, according to the Scottsbluff Star Herald. "They said the marijuana was for Christmas presents," said Lt. Paul Vrbka. Vrbka said the estimated street value of the marijuana was $336,000. That's a lot of presents. The octogenarian couple were charged with felony suspicion of possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and no drug tax stamp.


*---- Air Inside Frat House Registered .01 ----*

Police in Maryland said a wild fraternity party included so much alcohol consumption that the air inside the house registered a positive on a Breathalyzer. Montgomery County Police said they were called to a rental home in Bethesda by neighbors who complained about an party at the residence, where six 20-year-old members of fraternity Sigma Alpha Epsilon's American University chapter reside. Police said there was so much booze at the party, which was billed on Facebook as "Tequila Tuesday Hoy a las 22:00," that the air inside the house registered a .01 on a Breathalyzer. Police said the six residents, who refused to tell officers where they obtained the alcohol for the party, were each charged with 126 counts of allowing underage possession of alcohol and furnishing alcohol to a minor. They could each face up to $315,000 in fines stemming from the charges. Totally worth it.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

I laughed like hell when I read the story. Like you said, it never works. One thing that gets me--that it wasn't in Fla where the truly stupid live. What's this world comin' to? Happy Holidays. -Buzzy Z

I find it hard to believe that those potheads in Boston rolled up a 106-foot-long joint with marijuana that they donated to the project themselves. I've never known a pothead to waste good grass like that. Who's gonna smoke a 106-foot-long joint? The roach alone would weigh ten pounds!

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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